Building an Empire, A Brand, or Building Freedom?

It’s been almost 2 years since the Netflix documentary wrapped filming now and I have been reflecting on just how much has changed in my life and mindset. 

It feels like a lifetime ago already. During the beginning of filming, we were still testing for COVID and the crew was still required to wear masks. John and I were in the midst of parenting 2 children under the age of 4 and John had just completed grad school not too long ago (full-time school while working full-time with a newborn). Suffice it to say, we felt like we were still in a bit of a wild tornado of life at the time. 

I was over-functioning like a champ and had gotten really effing good at it. And I didn’t even mind over-functioning because I was FINALLY winning at life - I was finally able to escape the anxiety of living paycheck to paycheck in the toxicity that can be working as a psychotherapist in our culture. Getting a $70K master's degree and 10 years later, seeing 20 clients a week in private practice, at a full fee and barely making enough money to survive in the suburbs. I felt like I had finally broken out of the oppressive system that is our capitalistic culture and could financially breathe for the first time in my adult life. Not only that, but I had figured out how to do it ethically and was even doing work that was more aligned and more transformative for clients. 

Shortly after the film, I had a very pivotal experience. I ended up in the hospital because of my over-functioning. And it was then that I began an important journey in understanding that just building a business doing what I can do successfully isn’t the goal. It is building a business that is aligned with my more important long-term LIFESTYLE goals. 

I had spent much of my last 3 years successfully building a coaching practice that was booming. It was going so well. I had built a personal brand and was on my way to building an empire! I often had conversations with John about how far I wanted to take my business. Should I just build it to a certain point or should I just keep ever investing and let it grow as it pleases? And what was my end goal? I had come to a place where I had the financial freedom to go in many different directions. The one thing I knew was key to sticking with my values was to stick to my integrity and ethics. So I started building in more free and low fee resources, really spending a lot of time sharing free info on Instagram. It was all going swimmingly. 

Looking back, I realize I could have continued down this path for a long time, had my hospital visit not jolted me into more alignment. Ending up in the hospital gave me the existential scare necessary for me to reassess what really mattered to me. Which ultimately is to be present with my kids, partner and myself. 

Since the hospital, I completely restructured everything in my businesses. My psychotherapy practice, which prior to the hospital had just been an easy but not super profitable extra stream of income (which I had considered letting go of) has instead become my main source of income and my main focus. I have gone from employing 5 contracting clinicians to 17 in the last year and a half. And as of about 2 years following my hospitalization, I will have begun making the same amount from my group psychotherapy practice as I had been making in my coaching business. I only share this piece to make clear how quickly you can truly redirect your energy should you decide to realign.

I realized in the hospital that building a business that is based on the brand of me - of Kim, means that the success of the business relies on my health and presence. I have to be on, I have to be making content, I have to be doing the work, for the business to function. 

Is that a negative thing for everyone? No - I believe many people want to build a brand, want to be the one doing the work and want to build an empire! That’s great, especially when it is driven by a passion for making positive change in the world - it’s just not ultimately what I care most about. 

I care most, at least at this time in my life, about my health, my presence with my small children, my relationship with my partner, and having energy and time to be with my friends. I care about having the space for spiritual practice and creativity. Whatever is going on in my business is completely secondary to these goals. Which also does not mean that I do not strive to always be in alignment with my values in my work - I definitely do that as well. 

That coaching business that I created and put so so much energy into, so many resources into building, has mainly been dismantled at this point. It was quite a grief process for me to let go of all the hard work. And with it went some unhealthy coping mechanisms. And while I know that path was necessary for me, my hope is that reading this may help you plan your long term business goals more carefully than I did. 

So now I see everything through a new lens. These days, my lifestyle goals always come before anything I create in my business. I truly stop and listen to my body before I make any decision about my business. Because it was my body that made me pause and redirect my energy in a more aligned direction. And I have my body to thank for being able to go to yoga while the kids are at school, for being able to have friend dates several times a week without disrupting my time with my kids, for the better relationship I have had time to build with my partner (at times in the past it felt like it was doomed to be super difficult forever) and the super aligned work that I get to do with my clients these days. These days, I see only a handful of business coaching clients a week as I am busy with other pursuits, both business and personal. 

Now, the first thing I do with my clients is discuss their overall lifestyle goals. So that they do not do what we are trained to do in this culture (and don’t even realize we are doing) - to fit in their life around their career. Instead, we look at what matters most to them in life and then build a business based off of that. For most of my clients, that means creating an ethical business that affords them tons of free time, extra energy and enough income to thrive. So that they can heal from the burnout of our hustle culture. And once healed from burnout, can have a clearer sense of what they actually want to be doing in the world, in life and for work. 

In order to get in alignment with your longer term goals, you can simply ask yourself (or journal about) these questions: 

1. If you had endless amounts of money, what would you be doing with your time? 

2. If you had enough money to retire in the next year or two, what do you see yourself doing - both personally and professionally? 

3. If your business was making enough money (easily/effortlessly making the money) for you to do what you really wanted for your work, what would you be doing? 

4. When you are 99 years old and looking back at your life, what do you feel you will be most happy about spending energy on in your life? 

5. Slow down and tune into your body - ask your heart, your solar plexus and your sacral chakra - is your business and are your business goals going to create the life you truly want? 

After answering these questions, do you feel your business goals are in alignment with your overall values and longer term values in life? 

If not, what would need to change in order for you to be in more alignment? Maybe you don’t yet know what you need to do to create this alignment. When I realized things needed to change and I had to stop over-functioning, I had NO CLUE how I was going to do it. It took over a year for me to fully recognize how my pattern of over-functioning, of hustling, was running the show and impeding my ability to see and accept opportunities that were easier, more spacious and less based in ego. For me, I had to do the work of breaking out of that limiting belief system and pattern of behavior in my body in order to see and accept the possibility of growing my group psychotherapy business. 

Now I feel very happy with that direction. It is ethical, it is serving the community, it is supporting clinicians in building healthy lives and careers. It feels energizing, easy and fun. I have time for the things I want to do and to be healthy. I am present with my kids and feel like I know them in a way I didn’t have time for before. 

I don’t know if that is the direction for you. Maybe your direction is to build an empire or write a book or run retreats. Maybe your values are based in wealth or adventure or love. Do the work to be honest with yourself about who you are, what you truly care about and need. And I hope, if it is right for you to hear this message today, you can learn from my mistakes and create a plan for a more aligned business for the long term!