Showing Up for My First Protest: I Finally Have the Energy to Advocate and Give Back
Today, I am attending my first peaceful protest.
A year or so ago, I told my coach that I wasn’t sure if I actually gave a shit about other people - like maybe I was just not a compassionate human being?! Maybe I would never authentically want to give back and perhaps I was really just meant to do work that didn’t involve people.
You see, I didn’t go into the field of psychology to help people. I studied psychology because people are like one big complex puzzle - like the 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle I completed that one time. And solving puzzles is suppppper satisfying for me.
It’s not that I didn’t care about my clients, I very much do and did. But the deeper motivation for me has always been figuring out how to solve a problem.
It was surprising to even me that in January, when I decided to take just a month FULLY off of hustling and focus more on what my body and soul wanted, the first thing that dropped in and wanted to take up space was learning about anti-racism, environmental sustainability and gun control.
Thankfully, I discovered I do genuinely care about people and advocating. Just a few weeks of space completely turned things around for me. I was really able to heal from a lot of old burnout and start working towards something bigger than myself. I am grateful to have worked so hard to get to a place in life where I have the luxury to create space and connect with deeper alignment in my life - what really matters to me. Even I didn’t know I would ever be a person who would attend a protest. Until a few months ago, I would never have believed it.
I was quickly initiated into the issue of gun control upon hearing there would be a peaceful protest scheduled for June 5th to ask Governor in Colorado to ban guns and have the government buy them back. I was asked to show up for this sit-in.
And I will. I will show up to ban guns. This is something I really believe in and care about. I want to never have to go to a public event and worry about my safety. I want to not feel scared about my children going to school. You don’t have to agree with me about this politically.
What I really want to share is my internal struggle with showing up. Because I feel it is important to be transparent about the growth and learning that has gone into my choice to take part in this effort. I want to talk about what happens when you really believe in something and the push pull inside about showing up for it. Its not all an easy and full YES to take part in something that is considered so political and there is a potential that I am putting my body in danger. Over the last few weeks since hearing about this, I have undeniably believed in the cause itself though.
Yet, there are soooooo many excuses that come up in me, some valid, some not so much, about why I can’t show up to take action. These include:
What if something happens, will I be safe?
I don’t want to take the 30 minutes to travel to the city for this or have to figure out the logistics of actually showing up.
I have too much work to do and I actually don’t have time for this
What if I am the only one? I don’t want to feel stupid.
Will people think I am too radical and choose to keep a distance from me?
Maybe this isn’t “my thing” and I shouldn’t get involved
I have had days where these excuses have outweighed my true belief that this is beyond important and if I don’t take action, who will?
The push and pull feels like hiding, sometimes shame, fearful truth speaking, trying to take up more space, frustration with myself and excitement.
When I speak the truth, I have deep fear that people will judge me and disconnect. When I am not feeling confident to show up, I hide from everyone. When I try to take up space, my body feels unsure and a bit ungrounded.
The feeling of shame for not showing up is powerful. When I don’t show up to the organizing meetings or to canvas, my body wants to shut down for several days to punish me for not living in alignment. In those moments, I try to deepen into my self-care and self-compassion practice and release the shame.
And yet, I plan to go. It will be hard and inconvenient. And after so many years of less consciously choosing to not use my energy for the greater good - I am really ready to take up space as someone that does truly take action. And I will show up, not from a place of depletion, but from one of energy and freedom.
I can honestly say that the only reason I have the bandwidth to participate in something like this is that I have put in so much work to create a lifestyle where I have the extra energy available to think about more than just my clients, myself and my family. I really never thought I would get here.
I don’t blame you if you feel you don’t have the energy to pursue what you really know you want to do. This lifestyle we live is exhausting. And we really can’t do it all without jumping the systems we are all stuck in.
However, you can jump the system, you can create a life where you are happy with your career, present with your partner & kids and are participating in something bigger than yourself in your community. It simply takes dedication and investment in your personal growth.
That’s all I’ve got for you today. Please pray for me and all the other women showing up for this sit-in as we need your protective energy to come our way today.
I hope this inspires you or gets your gears turning a bit! Sending my love from the grassroots ground!