Exercise, Antiracism & Environmental Conservation

It's been a minute since I shared my personal process, so I thought I would give an update! Here goes:

Over the last 3 months, I have been incubating. I have been looking for the pinhole of light in the darkness of uncertainty.

I decided, a little over a year ago, after being hospitalized for a kidney infection and Sepsis, that something needed to change. Thankfully, my body threw me a big old wake up call party in my urinary tract. And I realized I was bypassing my body’s messages and it was time to pay attention.

THE HUSTLE QUEEN

I had just spent the prior 6 years having babies & building 2 businesses. And in the process, I made near constant choices to override my body’s messages in order to work towards my goal. I was in HUSTLE MODE, hardcore. I had to be.

The truth is that during COVID, my partner lost his job and was struggling to find a new one, and our kiddos suddenly didn’t have childcare. It simply made more sense for him to be the stay at home parent so I could focus on building my business. It was a fabulous change for me - being able to deepen into building my sense of confidence and a super aligned business that was benefiting the community in a big way. But, that also meant I became the one responsible for making an income for both of us.

During that period of time, I had even cut out exercise and socialization altogether in order to focus on my goals. I wanted to create an ethical business while also being present for my children as much as possible - oh and pay the bills.

So I did. I hustled. I drank coffee in the morning and wine at night. I disconnected from my friends. I sat in a chair all day every day. I learned everything I could about growing an ethical business. I even confronted my fears about my financial choices, very transparently, on an international Netflix special! Ha!

And it worked. I hustled and things started to come together. Do I regret it? HELL NO! I was able to create the income we needed to thrive from 2 ethical businesses. Really, I had no option in my career but to hustle if I wanted to grow past the 30K a year (out of an expensive grad school program) jobs I had early on in my career - or the I am working 2 jobs in one and still not making enough to live in the DC area situation. Hustle had become the necessary mode of survival so much so that I had forgotten that it was not my normal baseline or aligned with my values and essence.

BURN OUT

And then, thankfully, my body burnt out. My body decided it was time to up-level.

So I spent a year completely restructuring my businesses, funneling my energy and effort primarily from one business to the other. It was scary and hard AND I made it happen. Because, like you, I am a total badass manifestor. When I put my mind to it - and my body & soul, I make it happen.

Now I am finally to a place where I am able to make the income I need to pay the bills (though my income is significantly lower for now) and can focus on my health and opening up to what is next. I still work about 20 hours a week total, but have brought my meetings down to about 7 hours a week max and the work I am doing is solely what I WANT to be doing - what is energizing for me. I traded in the hustle to retire early (in 5 years) for a healthy lifestyle in the now and likely a bit later retirement date - but who knows!

BUT, WHAT DO I DO IF I AM NOT HUSTLING?

I had NO CLUE what I would do with the space I created when I first started this schedule in January. I started my journey of suddenly having more space in my schedule by bingeing A LOT of Love Island. It was a gloriously enjoyable waste of energy! And at first I was very critical of my TV watching. But there was no way around it. I was depleted and needed recovery time.

Then suddenly, I NEEDED to exercise. My body led me to magical dance and yoga classes. Each teacher clearly having done the work of finding their essence and connection to their heart and compassion. I started noticing my body again. I even decided to look for adult hip hop classes and found a very active and super fun studio just 10 minutes away. I am still exercising 5 days a week while the kiddos are at school.

Once my body was starting to feel fit and I began regaining my energy, my body spoke and affirmatively expressed it was time to stop drinking coffee. I easily stopped - for the first time since I was a teenager - drinking coffee. I will say, my mood is more regulated than ever since I stopped drinking caffeine.

Then my body said it was time to switch to sustainable products. So I did. I replaced all of my bathing and personal care items with sustainable and ethical products. I am still working hard to learn about sustainable living and SO excited to integrate it into my life. In fact, I have realized that I have been longing for this part of me to surface since I was a young kid but there just weren't role models or enough space as an adult to make these changes. It is a week by week process, this week for example, we purchased reusable bags for food and mesh bags for grocery store shopping - both of which will save us money in the long run as well.

Then I was called to work on my relationship. I spent night after night up late talking through anything and everything with my partner - this is still going on. We have reconnected, or maybe deepened into our relationship. We haven’t had fights in weeks - for the first time since I got pregnant 7 years ago.

Oh - and then I was called to learn more about antiracism and have been following Saira Rao and Regina Jackson. So have been reading and reading and reading. In two weeks, I begin as a student in a community oriented cohort to dismantle the unconscious racism I carry as a privileged white woman. I am pumped to get started!

UNCERTAINTY IS THE WAY FORWARD

And here we are. I still have ABSOLUTELY no clue where I am going next with my business. I am allowing the process of recovering from burnout and evolving to take me where I need to go. Health and uncertainty are the major themes in my life right now.

It is a beautiful part of my process - yet very scary. I have to constantly remind myself not to try to rush to the next thing, not to worry about making or saving money, not to fill my time with helping other people. AND I am doing it. Finding the space to create a new evolution - to step more powerfully into my integrity, joy and pleasure. To release hustle and trust flow.

By the way, there have been many difficult days and hot tears shed in this process. I have had days where my sweatpants stay on from the day before and my greasy hair needs a wash, because WTF am I doing?! And with each day of panic that I survive and process, I find more of my essence and worth - and more connection to those around me and alignment with my values.

I look forward to the day clarity drops in and I know exactly where I am going next. For now, I will continue to grow, learn, explore and develop the 2 beautiful businesses I have already established. I CAN intuitively feel the burn out lifting and my body soon to be moving to action. I cannot wait to see what's next!

I hope my story resonates with you. Whether you are in the clarity part of your spiritual cycle or the up in the air uncertainty. Or perhaps you are deep in the hustle with fear it will never end - I know that feeling well. Maybe you need that little nudge to trust that there is another way beyond hustling.

Do KNOW that when you decide to prioritize you, even if it takes time to recover from burnout, you will find more wellness, more alignment with your values and integrity, more freedom, pleasure and connection. It doesn't mean you have to completely upend your life like I did - it can be little changes. I was skeptical that dropping the hustle would result in this outcome and I can affirmatively say, after a year of intentional focus on releasing it, that I have never felt more healthy, connected, joyful and in alignment. And in an exciting twist, I feel I am no longer constantly maxed out, but instead authentically generous and available - to create significant change in this world.

Interestingly, I do see the definition of my work shifting to: supporting badass women to heal and find the energy to be the changemakers they were born into this life to become.

Comments? Feedback? Connect with me at kim@kimmassale.com!